It’s that day again.

The one that many women dread when they’re struggling to become the mother they long to be.

That intensifies their pain, draws attention to their loneliness, has them questioning their value, and leaves them wishing they could disappear until it’s all over.

Mother’s Day.

If you’re one of those women, how can you survive it this time? Or better still, how can you thrive?

Well in true coaching fashion, I am not going to give you the answer. Instead, I’m going to help you find the right answer for you.

All it requires is a little reflection, a bit of planning, and your commitment to investing in yourself and doing what you can to make yourself feel good.

So here are the questions I would like you to reflect on:

  1. WHO do you want to share the day with?

And conversely, who do you not want to share the day with? Who will fill you up? Who will bring you down?

Taking this a step further, who do you want to hear from? Who would you rather hide from?

Remember, there are many ways people can reach you throughout the day – phone, email, social media, in person – so get clear about who you’re willing to open yourself up to, and who you would rather shield yourself from, on this one day.

  1. WHAT do you want to do?

A list may already be forming of things you enjoy, which is great.

And yet, it may not be the best place to start.

Because, what you intended to be an adventure, could become an ordeal, if you just want to feel safe. What was meant to be invigorating, could wind up exhausting, if you just need to rest. What you thought would be calming, could turn out to be boring, if you crave a bit of fun.

It’s therefore worth exploring this question in two parts. Firstly, what do you want to feel? And secondly, what will give you that feeling?

  1. WHERE do you want to do it?

What environment do you want to be in? Where will you feel comfortable? Where will you feel uncomfortable?

There’s no doubt about it, there will be reminders of the day in most places – shops, bars, restaurants, as well as on television and social media. You may be okay with this, you may not. Keep this in mind and consider where you do and don’t want to show up.

  1. WHEN do you want to do it?

And conversely, when do you not want to do it?

When do you want to step into it? When do you want to step back out of it?

And with that, you should have the who, what, where and when answers you need to be clear on your HOW and finalise your plan.

But I can already hear the panicked screams of your inner critic:

  • You can’t do that.
  • That’s rude.
  • That’s mean.
  • That’s indulgent.
  • What will they think?
  • What about this / that / them?
  • You’re being selfish.
  • You need to pull yourself together and get on with it.

Am I right?

So, I’m going to give you the WHY.

Why you should say “thanks, for your concern, but I’ve got this” to your inner critic, and why you should trust and honour the answers that have emerged for you.  

It’s because you’re on your fertility journey:

  • Doing everything you can to bring your baby to you.
  • Eating, drinking, and exercising as if you’re already carrying them.
  • Making sacrifices for them as if they were already here.
  • Making uncomfortable and complex decisions about their welfare before they even exist.
  • Loving them, connecting with them, and feeling a weight of responsibility for them, from just one or two cells developed.
  • Mourning them if/when they leave too soon.

You’re being a mother.

And you deserve recognition and kindness on Mother’s Day too.

No-one can show you that recognition and kindness better than you.

So go ahead and follow your plan and make this Mother’s Day a positive one for you.

And if you feel you could benefit from more support to manage the challenges that are arising on your fertility journey, especially in relation to the impact it is having on your career and working life, then please contact me any time to arrange a free, no obligation consultation, and we can explore how I may be able to help.

Emma Menzies | 06 March 2024

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